Ringless again

V and I have had what could be called a tumultuous past. While we both knew right away that this was "it," we really weren't prepared for the realities of putting together two rather set-in-their-ways adults who both had over-packed baggage and (at the time anyway) factors such as foster and bio kids/grandkids whose needs and behaviors would lead to conflict between us.

Within 3 months of our meeting, V. proposed and gave me a ring - a beautiful diamond in a platinum solitaire setting - and only a few weeks later we had a very meaningful commitment ceremony, just the two of us in a suite overlooking the ocean.

But life happened, and just over two years after we met it looked like we wouldn't make it, and I took the ring off. Much of the next few months were touch-and-go (very often seeming like "go" was our only path), but after a year of hard work and hard choices, it was clear that things with us were back on track.

It just didn't feel right to just put my ring back on, though. There just seemed to be too much pain associated with it, too much to remind me of taking it off and giving it back. So, with the help of a friend who is part of her family's jewelry business, we had it remade. They were able to use the same band, but instead of a high solitaire, they created a semi-recessed setting for the diamond, flanked by two beautiful sapphires which I love.

I was thrilled. It felt so good to be wearing my ring again, to have it "recreated" to honor the changes in our relationship.

But, foolish girl that I am, I tend to think that nothing bad can happen no matter how much I abuse things, and sometime during all the work involved with our move to our new house last summer, I lost one of the sapphires. And sentimental fool that I am, I kept making excuses to not get it repaired just because I didn't want to take it off my finger again. So yes, for over a year I wore a ring that was obviously missing one of its three stones.

Now that we're "re-engaged" though, it was definitely time to get this taken care of. After a much needed sharp poke from my friend, I finally took it off and mailed it to her today. I feel naked, and in just the two hours since I've had it off I've already had one panicked "oh SHIT where's my RING?!?" moment.

I'm looking forward to getting it back. I've asked my friend to figure out a band that matches it while she has it there, since we want to give her family our business once we're ready to buy our wedding bands. And I'm certainly glad to know without question that THIS time, my ringless state is definitely very temporary.

The courthouse IS available!!! But...

...it's probably too small. The woman I talked to at the historical society office said that she really didn't think it could hold 50 people, but that I could make arrangements to look at it. I remember peeking in the windows and seeing benches, and as I'm remembering it, we might even be able to put some guests in the "jury box."

Or I may have lost far too many brain cells and if I looked at it again I'd see that it obviously could hold no more than 30 people, tops.

Oh, and the cost?

"Whatever you'd choose to donate to the Historical Society for our coming to open it for you, and for the cost of the electricity and such."

Of course we'd still have to find a place for a reception, but still, I think this would just be so cool...

Going to the courthouse and we're gonna get ma-a-aried

I'm currently fascinated with the idea of seeing if we can somehow rent the old courthouse here in out beautiful small town, to use for our ceremony. It was built in 1791, moved in 1837 to make way for the present courthouse then restored in 1976 and is the oldest wooden Courthouse still in use by the court system (on occasion).




Since it's related to what V does for a living, and my parents were married in a courthouse, and we'd love someplace unique and just a lot more US for this wedding, I'm really thinking about checking it out. The worse they can do is say no!

"I Will Survive" is not a wedding song, and other sage advice

An online friend who is busy planning her own 2008 wedding posted this to her private blog recently, and gave me permission to copy it here. There's some very good advice and a couple of good chuckles!

I just came home from my good friend's wedding, in which I was a bridesmaid, and I have a list of things I learned in regards to planning my own wedding, both good ideas and things to watch for.

GOOD IDEAS

• Her bridesmaid gifts were monogrammed tote bags with three things inside -- a picture frame with pictures from her bachelorette trip, a personal gift for each bridesmaid, and a smaller matching bag which contained wedding day essentials like safety pins, clear nail polish, dental floss, mints, and the like -- but each of us had only a few of the items, so we had to work together if we needed something. It was a great idea and came in VERY handy! We also all got special padded shoe inserts made for heels, which saved my feet.
• She reserved an extra room for her and the bridesmaids to sleep in the night before the wedding so she wouldn't be in the bridal suite until she was married.
• They totally personalized the reception without a care as to what people would think. They are Star Trek nerds, so each table was named for a place or other important thing from Star Trek and they entered to the theme song. It was so cute and personal!
• The bride had her cousin do everyone's makeup as her wedding gift, so we all got similar colors and styles and it was all done at the same time.
• They had a head table but were not the least bit anal about the bridal party getting up and visiting other tables, so I got to hang out with my fiance and with my brother and his wife, who had come in from out of state.
• The couple had a friend man (woman?) the guestbook table with a Polaroid camera. The guests signed large index cards, then the attendant took a photo and attached it to the card. All the cards were placed in a keepsake box the size of a recipe box.
• Both the bride and the groom made a point of inviting the other's attendants' significant others to their night-before gatherings (so my fiance hung out with the groom, and one of the groomsmen's girlfriends hung out with the bride and bridesmaids)
• The bride made available walking maps of the town and indicated her favorite places to walk, eat, and shop so the guests could have fun if they came in early or stayed later the next day.
• The bride is asthmatic, so she had amazingly gorgeous wooden flowers custom made for the wedding. They were more original than silk and so classy. Also, she had me keep her inhaler in my cleavage (nowhere else to put it!) just in case she needed it, but I'd imagine a groomsman's pocket would work just as well.

THINGS TO REMEMBER

• Make sure you have your veil with your dress, or ready to take to the hair salon. Hers was accidentally left in the original dress garment bag, which was crumpled into a corner of her all-packed-to-move apartment and we couldn't find it for over an hour. Panic and tears ensued and the veil was wrinkled.
• Double-check that everyone you hired is still working for their respective companies a few times leading up to the wedding. Apparently, the couple's officiant quit and did not bother to notify her clients. They only found out because the company's receptionist noticed they were supposed to have a final meeting before the run-through (this would have been the fourth meeting they would have had with her!) Luckily the original officiant's assistant stepped up and did a FABULOUS job, but it was stressful.
• If your venue is outside have a plan in place for inclement weather, even wind -- the bride's veil was blowing everywhere and almost came out of her hair, and the chuppah (Jewish wedding canopy) almost blew over. And the bridesmaids in their strapless gowns were very cold, especially standing for photos. The hotel did provide heat lamps, so that was good. The veil could have been tacked somehow to her dress, but the MOH had to hold it down for part of the ceremony to keep it from blowing away.
• No matter how much you like it, Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" is not a wedding song. Double-check the DJ's or band's playlist. On the same note, make sure your DJ/band leader knows the difference between a hora and a Greek circle dance (if necessary, of course).
• Have a plan in place for food the day of the wedding, breakfast and lunch. Even if you're not hungry, the bridesmaids will be, and you should eat something too. We had to figure out that stuff on they fly, and while it worked out it would have been easier to have it planned beforehand. Also, if the bridesmaids are dressing in rooms other than their own, make sure they have their own keys to each room!
• On a similar note, prehydrate the day of the wedding but not too close to dressing time. Use the bathroom before putting on your dress (especially if it's heavy!) and encourage your bridesmaids and flower girls to do the same. The bride was meticulous about this and it helped very much.
• If the photogapher is doing something you don't like or is rushing you, speak the hell up. And if a bride and groom from a previous wedding (her venue had three weddings that day!) is hogging the prime spots, speak up. It's your day.

Now, THIS was fun!

Just in time for Halloween: The wedding dress horror show.

Dress Frenzy

Yes, obviously I've been looking at dresses, most of which I'd never consider buying, but just to get ideas in case I don't stick with the dress I have.

This one is very close to my ideal realistic-fantasy dress (as in, one I wouldn't need to morph back into being a size 8 20-something) -- wide V-neck, simple A-line chiffon skirt; just make the bodice a little simpler and chiffon, and add some loose sleeves. Oh and make the price just a couple hundred bucks. Yeah, right. If I could just find a pattern something like this, I could potentially have someone make/modify it for me, but there's no way I would pay to have it made by a real custom dressmaker (not that there's one around here anyway!).

Warning

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
With a red had that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

From the poem "Warning" by Jenny Joseph

I was reading this poem (among others) last night (as poetry soothes me, and I sure need some soothing these days), and I'm now having this strange compulsion to get married in dress made of or trimmed in purple, and wearing a red veil and red slippers. After all, I will have been 50 for all of a few weeks by the time we do this, shouldn't I somehow celebrate that as part of our wedding?

I'm wondering if there are enough women in this area to start a "Red Hat Femmes" group, open to all but specifically catering to lesbian women, and I'd include transwomen as well. Despite the silliness of it, I like the Red Hat Society. No, actually I like it BECAUSE of their silliness. I'm too lazy right now to go to their site and find out the exact language, but I know from a red-hat coworker that the whole purpose is to celebrate your age, be silly, have fun, and be rid of responsibilities. It's not a group to do fund raising (I originally typed "fun raising" which I guess would have been appropriate!) or good deeds to give back to the community; it's a group to dress up in outrageous outfits and hats, and laugh with other women of a particular age. And I for one think that's a damn good reason for a group like this, particularly for a generation raised to believe you were supposed to exist to serve everyone else in your life (and I'll include myself and other baby-boomers, even if we spent our young adult-hoods immersed in the 60's/70's feminist movements).

I'm 18 months and 8 days from my 50th birthday, but I don't think it's too soon to consider what I want to be doing then.