Assumptions confirmed.

Well, while I'm waiting to see if this stupid LJ feed is fixed, I'll post a quick update.

Ivón and I ended up having an unexpected but really quite delightful dinner date tonight to a delicious but generally too expensive restaurant that happens to have buy-one-get-one-free entrees on Thursday nights. Oh the food was heaven. And I did ask Von about a few things I had been assuming.

May/June 2009: Yes, best time to consider.

Outside wedding on the beach: Yes, if at all possible but with an inside backup in case the weather sucks (which includes it it's just way too humid)

And definitely yes to "please just do a mind meld to find out what I want then tell me where to go and when to be there." Oy. Followed by cloying compliments about what a great job I did putting everything together for our first private commitment ceremony. Double-oy. Why does Von have to be so much more of a "guy" than even a lot of the guys I know?!?

Oh, but it was also followed by Ivón saying "but you're not going around talking all about this wedding to everyone already, are you?!?" Um... I haven't told Ivón about this blog yet. Must have slipped my mind. Oops. ::grin:: But my response to that was that (a) I'm a grownup and don't need anyone's permission to talk about my own wedding, (b) I'm the bride and thereby legally required to get all bridal and start planning within five minutes of the proposal, (c) I'm excited and I'm not going to be quiet about it, and (d) I'm going to end up doing most of the work so he can just shut the hell up about whatever I want to do and however much I want to talk about it to other people. I smiled sweetly as I said all of this, of course.

We did talk (and I got teary) about how much I wish that the two people who really *should* be the happiest and most excited for us - the ones whose full acceptance and true happiness for us would mean the most to us - will actually be the ones doing the best "gee aren't we happy for you" performances while in reality not being able to be fully emotionally present and supportive: Ivón's daughter, who has big issues with me personally and huge issues about Ivón'sbeing gay and over-the-top issues with V. being butch, and past "butch" she doesn't even know about, and my mom, whose last significant comment on my relationship status was to tell me about how a friend of hers lesbian daughter split up with her partner of 18 years but "oh it was ok because she's just like you, she is the type to all her life just go from one relationship to another without staying with anyone for very long." Same mom who informed me that I'm definitely not a Jew because a friend told her that I can't be a Jew unless my mom's a Jew, and there is going to be very much about this wedding that is Jewish - as much as possible for a queer butch/femme interfaith wedding that is. So that makes me sad. I'd give anything in this world to feel that Von's daughter could just be happy for her mom's happiness, but I need to accept that it's just not going to happen. I'd give even more to feel that my mom was truly happy for me, in a "mom getting all choked up with seeing that her daughter really had found true and lasting love" kind of way, but I need to also accept that that's not going to happen either. It will hurt - it will hurt seeing their put-on smiles and receiving their hugs of congratulations, knowing what they really feel. I will give them credit for at least putting on that show for our sakes. So many others' families wouldn't even go that far - I just read about someone who had many family members who RSVP'd "no" to their ceremony and enclosed scripture to "explain" their absence. At least we don't have to deal with that.